Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
