If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
