found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
