i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
