dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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