I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
