i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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