He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
