Umm I'm too high to move.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
