You just made me feel so damn special
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
