He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
