He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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