Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
