She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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