Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
