What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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