overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
