Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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