Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
