Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
