Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
