I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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