Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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