fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
