remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
