508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think my vagina is haunted
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
