if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
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