yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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