I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
