He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i have two assholes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
