You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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