shes about as inviting as chlamydia
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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