I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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