My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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