lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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