you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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