My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
