you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
