I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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