My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
