I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
