If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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