I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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