I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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