$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
