I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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