At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Randomize
