I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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