I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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