Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
