Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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