I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
