meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize