They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The maid of honor just puked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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