I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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