Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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