there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
