I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
