Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
