i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize