dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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