so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
