Too much gin, very little bucket
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
