Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
