he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He shit in the fireplace
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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