My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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