I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
