dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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