So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
