how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
