ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
