Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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